On Mondays, I usually feel so spent that all I want to do is skip the gym and just go home to hide. Last Monday, I forced myself to go to the gym and felt better for it, but today proves to be a little more challenging. I feel so overwhelmed to the point I need to hold back tears.
This morning, I had a sad thought. I have sacrificed so much to do this PhD. On some level I feel disheartened that most of those nearest and dearest to me have no idea how difficult this all is. You constantly feel alone because it often seems like you are the only person who can see the value in doing what you are doing.
My entry into the workforce has been delayed by at least 4 years, and this delays everything else someone like me typically expects to experience in life; buying your own house, lovingly furnishing your own home, enjoying the fruits of your labour, enjoying life and taking care of yourself, saving up for retirement, making smart investments, then slowing it all down to settle down and start a family. Everything gets delayed. I feel like I have pushed my life back by a great number of years, just to get a PhD.
On days like today, it becomes more of a struggle. There are moments of feeling that it is so hard, mixed in with moments of how there is just so much to do. At the end of the day, you just want your friends and those close to you to comfort you because you really don't have anyone else. But they don't because they either think you're being overly dramatic, or they think that you're fine.
Monday, August 18, 2008
Today is a struggle
3 comments:
you feel it like that. i'm sure that when you get a job when you are a Dr, your salary will be like 5 figures which allows you to buy things in BULK!!
Look at other drs in the world, i'm sure they are like u at your age, look at their cribs now...
be strong! and smile!!
x
Oh my god go read my blog, our thoughts are in tune babe. I wrote that entry before reading yours! Feel so disheartened too...sigh. *hugs*
I was surprised by your post.
I was just telling myself the other day how I envy all those uni students (including postgraduates) who are 'ahead of me' in that unlike me at their age, they know exactly who they are, what they enjoy and are pursuing relevant degrees.
I've worked 10 years in a field that I was not passionate about. Now I've started all over again and studying something totally different. I may have gained material comforts during my working life but in terms of personal development, I am behind.
What I'm trying to say is that it's all relative.
I personally thing that you've done very well for yourself. I don't see you, or any Phd student for that matter, as behind.
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