I can't believe that in 2 weeks I will be in Singapore. Actually, in 2 weeks, I will still be in London but making my way to Singapore. In 2 weeks, I will:
- be having lunch at Gordon Ramsay at Claridges
- taking a trip on the London Eye
- making my way back to Heathrow
- getting on a plane (not the A380 thank god) and heading to Singapore
I leave Brisbane on the 27th of September, and arrive in Singapore with enough time to check out the Geylang Serai Bazaar, have some food, and then go to sleep so I can wake up at 5am the next day to go to the airport (duty-free shopping here I come).
I arrive in London on the 28th of September and have the arduous task of finding my way to Brighton. I have enough time in Brighton to check-in, have dinner, and then go to sleep.
I have conference on the 29th and 30th of September (cringe). I think I present on the second day, but it looks like there will be so many people that I anticipate not many will show up to my presentation. If there are so many other concurrent sessions happening at the same time, why would anyone come to mine when there are more prominent researchers presenting their work at the same time? I'm not bothered. In fact, I hope it will be quite easy for me to go relatively unnoticed at this conference. I guess I'm hoping for this 'cos I don't really have my game face on.
We're in the third week of Ramadhan now and I'm still fasting. I haven't been waking up at 3.30am for sahur the last few days because I've either overslept, or I had a big dinner the night before. I must be the only person I know who can put on weight while fasting. It's really very upsetting and depressing. I like to say that I'm one of those people who have to starve to maintain my weight. Regular diet and exercise will only see me get fat. God forbid I should let myself go. I would probably end up looking like a blimp. Yeah, I make jokes but it still hurts inside. Life sucks, whatever. I'm just pissed off that nothing I do seems to work. I'm bitter and angry.
I'm still feeling like I'm in a bit of a hole with the research, but I also suspect that Mondays are just exceptionally bad for me somehow. Every Monday I get so incredibly depressed to be where I am - stuck in a PhD that is going along too slowly, doing research when I'm not even sure I'm cut out for doing that, upset that my glorious weekend is once again over, depressed over feeling like I'm stuck with a questionable choice because I'm poorer than pensioners (who Kevin Rudd himself says do not get enough from the pension to live - and they still get more than me!!!).
I have no career, no money, and no idea what sort of job I should do that will allow me to be happy and be with the people I want to be with.
2 comments:
1stly, congrats on the fasting bit. 2nd, serioulsy, perhaps you need to arrange for dave to come and talk in brissy...he's the bloke everyone speaks to for being happy. check out our website www.thelifedesigners.com and also www.thedreamexperience.com
sounds like a sales pitch, but hey if that works...cool!!
xx
Ok just read your post. It's frustrating isn't it, the life of a phd student. You know a few of my lab mates, who also started off doing a direct phd like me, recently just submitted their confirmation report as a masters thesis and left. Just like that. 'Cos they found doing a phd a too long drawn-out affair. Which it is. And yeah I've also wondered about research and whether it's what I want to do. but you know, the options are all there once we graduate, whenever that will be. Just have to get there. :D *hugs*
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