Damien's at home having dinner with his family. Joel's probably at training. And the rest are probably at Bernard's having dinner.
I am sitting at home alone...
Sigh............... I am so socially awkward.
I don't know why I have always been like this. I just don't know how to relate to people and I don't know how to make friends. Ever since I was a little girl, I have always felt like I never belonged. I remember in primary school, I struggled to find a "group" of friends. People tended to group according to race and maybe this seemed like a natural thing to do since you were probably "better understood" by others of the same background. This never did me any favours.
The Indian girls would group together and while I had many good Indian friends, I felt like I could not be "part of the group" because I wasn't Indian. The Malay girls did the same but I never cliqued with them because I was English-speaking and most of them were from Malay-speaking households. I was different and they couldn't relate to me. I couldn't clique with the Chinese girls either even though the ones in my class were English-speaking, because I wasn't Chinese. Ever since, this has left me feeling like there is nothing about me for social groups to accept.
Now into adulthood, I struggle with group dynamics. Why am I so socially retarded?
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Social retardation
1 comment:
:( Was sad reading this post yesterday. It made me think.
I sympathise with your school group experience. It's not easy to have a complex background, can be tricky really fitting in with others. But in some ways it's ok to be an outsider sometimes, you can have a unique insight into different groups and become a true chameleon. Personally, I've had a very mixed cultural experience growing up, I didn't know whether to be French, Lebanese or Australian and when I looked in the mirror I saw an Asian looking girl. I know I will never really fit in anywhere but it's ok.
You fit in everywhere and nowhere. That is alright.
And sometimes you can create your own identity outside those group definitions. You are less limited.
Continues a ecrire, tu es vraiment geniale.
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