Twenty-seven

I didn't do my usual yearly birthday reflection where I list all the significant things that has happened in the last 12 months. If I think about 27, I will say that it was a great year and a great age. There were a lot of achievements and challenges, but there was one thing that stood out the most:

At 27, I became re-acquainted with my independence (read: broke up with Damien).



Of all the highs and lows, this is the thing that stands out the most. It happened just before Easter, which means just before all the bloody long weekends in Australia and before winter came around again. So I struggled through all the long weekends and cold winter nights alone and miserable. In response, I hung out with my friends on the weekends and bought a hot water bottle to snuggle with at night. One has to cope somehow.

It was a real struggle at first, but I always had the belief that it was in a way, a blessing in disguise. Firstly, I'm in the final year of my PhD so this means that I now have a lot more time to dedicate to working on my thesis.

Secondly, I used to stress about what I would do about jobs once I finish. I feel that getting out of Brisbane will only enhance my professional and personal growth, but although I was keen to do this I always had to consider whether he would want to do that too. Now, I feel the freedom of having more options because the only consideration I would have is me. There's something very liberating about that.

Finally, I really did become re-acquainted with my independence. Up until the end of Honours, I'd been supported by my parents and when I started my PhD, Damien was around to contribute to both personal as well as financial support. Now, truly on my own, I had to learn to support myself on my meager scholarship (which is less than the usual scholarship as I'm not a resident - the biggest chip on my shoulder!). I had to move out of my beloved apartment on Sydney Street. In the end, I found an apartment still in New Farm, along the river (awesome) but with a housemate (eew... living with strangers). Still, I think I do quite well for a "poor" PhD student. So the financial independence was a change forced upon me, but one which I think is timely in reminding myself that I can do this, I can look after myself, I can stick it out on my own if I have to.

I do think that it is very much my nature to be with someone. I find life to be more fulfilling and satisfying when one has a partner to share it with. But at least this experience can only teach me that if the shit hits the fan, I'll be okay.